A Love Note to My Dad, My Cover of Ben Harper's Waiting on an Angel

Two years ago tomorrow, I didn't get a phone call my father had passed away.

Instead, my family back home called my husband at work, gave him the news, and said they thought it would be best if he could go home and tell me in person. I'll never be more grateful for the grace in which they thought to handle that.

My husband is a road bike devotee and rarely drives to work, so as usual, rode his bike all the way home. I was shocked that he was rushing through the front door at 7:30 a.m., just an hour after his start time. My 3 year old was on the couch watching a show before preschool, and I was in my usual rush to get to work.

My husband is a lot like my dad was: very John Wayne, very tough. I heard the frantic keys in the door, saw him burst through, and and he ran over to me sobbing like a baby. He was trying so hard to talk, but couldn't make words. Time passed slowly, my heart sank more and more. I wondered, did a bomb go off at work and his partners were all killed? Did he accidentally cause a fatal car accident on his bike?

He hugged me so hard, my ribs were on the verge of becoming dust, and I knew by the way he was acting that whatever I was about to hear would change me--us--forever. I begged, "Honey, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong?"

... ... Sobbing: "Your dad died this morning..."

...

What? ... What?
__________

My dad died alone. In the days following the funeral and returning home, among all the heartbreak, long before healing ever peaks in, all I could think was, "He was with me my entire life, why couldn't I have just been with him at that one moment?" It takes a long time to make peace with those thoughts. My husband was equally as close to my father. He was Such. A. Man. One of a kind.

Now I offer this up this in memory of my dad. When I hear this song, I like to let myself imagine that maybe he wasn't alone. Maybe there was something bigger and better than I could ever be, helping him go softly to the other side.

This is Ben Harper's Waiting on an Angel, covered by yours truly. Higher than I should actually be singing, I might redo it later. By the time I finally learned the song today, the family came home and I didn't have time to figure out how to tune down the guitar. Not meant to be sad... A song of hope & comfort. From me to you...