Coming out of the Closet: My Cover of Bon Iver's Flume

CANNOT believe I'm actually doing this. <Pant, pant, sigh, stop breathing...> Fear is a powerful thing.

I have enjoyed singing my entire life, but absolutely cannot sing in front of anyone without almost dying--and yes, I mean seriously really truly dying from nerve overload. I've sung at three good friend's weddings at their request and thought I would die each time. I'm still here, but my heart probably has scars on it from stopping a few times. Lately, I've started to wonder what is at the root of my stage fright.

When my son was born, I felt a fantastic urge to get over this fear. I'm looking at this precious new individual, amazed by how funny he is, thinking that if he were ever embarrassed to let any part of his personality show, or if he had a talent he was scared to share... just... just... WHAT AN INJUSTICE! And what am I teaching him by saying, "Oh no, no.. I couldn't..." when people ask me to sing? Yuck. I never want to represent anything other than how important it is to figure out who you are and be that thing.

A few months ago, I thought it was about time I made a move. I sang at an open mic night, and over 15 of my friends and family came to cheer me on. I shared a part of my soul and no one disowned me. I didn't even die. I'm still afraid, but much less afraid.

Nothing I do is perfect.* And I think that's part of the root of my fear. "Keep your eyes open when you sing, don't miss a note." Though when I watch my favorite musicians, they're not perfect. They sing with their eyes closed. And I'm reminded singing is so utterly emotional and raw. It's the realness, not the perfect-ness, that makes it resonate.

Music also brings me closer to knowing who I truly am. And so does my current obsession, Bon Iver. (Please don't ask me what any of his songs mean, because I have no idea.)

Here is an acoustic guitar cover of his song, Flume. (It starts at 11 seconds in.) It's just a stagnant image, because I don't want you to actually watch me while I sing. Just not there yet.

*Also, I do already know that I cannot play guitar worth squat. You can let me know that, too, but I am painfully aware.
<Wiping sweat off my palms as I click "publish" for the first time...> From me to whoever might like this, enjoy!